How to train your human.....

Everybody has seen the T-shirt for SHIBA INU - Professional Human Trainer, right?
You can get them on Ebay or Amazon...

The rules go like (parentheses are mine):

• Fetch me a treat (no, not that one... not that one either....)
• Rub my belly (ahhhhh, okay that's enough - now get away from me)
• Pick up my poop (after i've deemed the spot worthy enough for it)
• Wipe my feet (owwww, the snow/ice too's cold, hurry!)
• Speak baby talk (while I look at you like you are a moron)
• Throw the ball (and come get it from me)
• Don't hog the bed (I must have 3/4 of it minimum)
• Give me a kiss (on my ass preferably)
• Buy me a toy (and it must make the loudest possible noise)
• Fetch me a treat (again... and make it human food please)

Any you might like to add?

While we're at it, the Misanthropic Shiba website has some good rules that need to told to yours.

Things every Shiba should be informed of:

1. Nothing in life is free.

2. Children are living hot dog dispensers provided that you sit quietly.

3. Vets are actually kind people who dispense cheese (most veterinarians encourage you to bring your dog around for random treats so that they associate the vet's office with cheddar rather than shots).

4. Your food/toys/leash/collar/brushes are not your property and you will not treat them as such.

5. Your nails will be clipped. Your ears will be cleaned. Your fur and teeth will be brushed. You will sit/stand/lie quietly and not bite the brush or the hand that wields it. This is not negotiable. You may pout.

6. At no time will you ever growl/snarl/snap/bite at your owner or any person who is put in charge of you.

7. Lunging and trying to kill other animals upon sighting them is not in your best interests.