Wednesday, June 22, 2005

How I got Max

When Dad left me and Mom to go away, he said he was going over the big pond to see some of his other family. He was leaving us his first family to go see his second family, leaving us like we are dog doody. Mom said not to worry, that she would bring home a surprise for me. And boy, did she.....

I laid down for a day of napping with Sunshine after she went to work the next day. Next thing I knew what should come rushing into the house but a creature racing faster than I could lift my head. My tired eyes struggled to focus. Was it a rat? Nope too big.... was it a cat... nope.. I heard it bark, not meow. Mom!!! Are you having second thoughts about me?? Oh nooooo!! The beast jumped onto me and I snapped at it to let it know I was Boss Dog in this here manor. Looked like a tiny dog to me, somewhat manageable. nope....

She picked it up and told me that he was Max and he just came from the pound. A tibbie spaniel who was not wanted in his former home by the owner or their dog. Well, mom if they didn't want him, why would we?? She said "Scout, now we should make nice. Remember when nobody wanted you?" Thanks alot, Mom! Deflate my ego and build his up, eh? If those are the conditions for my continued residency and lifetime supply of kibbles & water, fine... But i'll be a horse's butt, if I'm sharing. Now that we're settled, everyone be gone so I can get my sleep.

So Mom leaves and I close my eyes. Next thing I know bounce, bounce...the rat is invading my space, jumping on my couch and barking in my ear. I howl at him and chase him around the house to go away and stop. All he wants to do is bother me and then horrors, he lifts a leg and pees on mom's chair. Uh oh....ha! Mom sees this, she'll take him back for sure to the pound. Victory is mine! I lay down and ignore him for the next few hours until she comes home. When she does I look at her. She sighs, cleans it up and takes him out back to learn proper potty rules. Mom didn't kick him out!! This happens for a whole week... Since the rat was around, I figure it was okay to wrestle with him when no one was looking. So I started a game to mess with his head. I jumped on him and barked and pawed at him. It got to be kind of fun. I have to admit it wasn't so bad, not being alone during the day. I started sharing my water and food with him.

Dad finally came home after a week. I thought it would be fun to see his reaction when he saw the peeing yapping little rat named Max. Me and Mom drove to get him when he ran out of gas at the bridge. When we got home, he heard the beast from the driveway and he said, I quote "did you get another dog??".... Ha!!! Dad ran to the house and saw the little rat. Boy.... was mom in trouble! She begged him for a week's chance. I was a little happy. I thought I would be the king of the house again. Just me, my mom and dad. The next day, Dad got up and he was snuggling with Max the rat. What happened? Dad, what about me? He told Mom, "no more dogs!!" Right, Dad! Kick him out, he's a rat! But I guess, he's a dog technically. So.... that's the story of how rat dog got to come live with us. He's not so bad, when he's not peeing indoors, stealing my toys & rawhides, yapping his mouth and being an annoying brother to me.

Sunday, June 5, 2005

How to get fired...

I got fired from my first and only job ever this week. I don't know how or why it happened but it was an interesting week nevertheless. I was soooo proud when dad told me to get ready for work when he woke mom and me up on Monday morning. Work? Me? This sounded novel and interesting, to go and see what they do for a change. I just stood up, shook off the cobwebs of sleep, jumped off the bed and ran to the door to signal that I was ready to go. I wasn't going to give him a fraction of a second to change his mind. Sunshine and the couch gets old after about the first hour with nobody around.

We pulled up to what looked like an old shack and he immediately tied me up to the tree. I don't know what he expected me to do, scare off intruders who would bother him while he's working? Perhaps he was bad and didn't pull his permission from the city man, I hear they come and spank you for that. So not only did I have to watch out for nosey neighbors, the mailman, animal control officers but any man who looked like he came from a desk and pushed a red pencil. At least that's what I think he and his friend Larry were saying about the bad man. So I ran around and around looking each way up and down the street. My rope was getting was shorter and shorter until I couldn't breathe no more. Then Dad came out and he couldn't see me. I was white as a ghost from the paint I tipped over. So not only did he have pull all my rope apart but he had to spray that cold water on me to clean me. Then he cursed about paint all the way to Home Depose (You of $$). When it was lunchtime, nobody helped me get my food. I had to pry the lid off and get my own food. I ate it all and the plastic just because I was hungry. Dad said I got a subpar evaluation for the day and would have to try harder the next day.

So Tuesday comes and the same things happened. I accidentally spill his beautiful paint and all the trees and bushes got in my way of trying to watch out for the men he didn't want to bother him. I didn't eat the lunch because he didn't bring any so I thought my rating approval might go up for that. He didn't complain too much, just muttered about the paint on the way back to Home Depose. Wednesday comes and they finished the outside so they were working indoors. I try to paw the door so I could tell them that there were people going by. He opened the door and I ran inside all the way through the house and right back outside. I'm a dog! I saw a chance to do a perimeter inspection around the neighborhood and earn some brownie points. I had been tied up so he hadn't given me any opportunity. I ran down the streets, beachfront and onto the golf course. Larry ran all over after me because he's tall and he caught me. Dad said some bad words to me and told me I was fired. Only 3 days and he didn't ask for a survey report from the run?? He left me at home on Thursday and mom said she can't take me to work because they don't allow dogs in the government building. Yea, whatever... Bring me home the paper so i can pee on the want ads.