Sunday, May 1, 2005

How to screw up...

Yesterday, I got tired of always being good and decided to play hooky and see what kinda fun I could make. I got lucky when I banged on the window to go out. When mom tried putting the ol' noose on me, it was loose and I made my break for sweet freedom. Saw a tomcat I could maybe scare hairballs out of but that didn't work out too well. Seems there might be a little thing called potbelly that has made friends with my two chins. Hey don't look at me, talk to the people who buy my groceries.

After I peed on tomcat's deck, I saw mom rounding the corner so I hurried up with my business and raced down the block. I wasn't ready to be dragged home. I could see what looked like dad and he was possibly organizing a Dog Scout pack with 10 boys holding stale doggy biscuits in the parking lot, arg! Piss off, dad!! I only get one life, not nine like the damn cats. You don't have to do your business in the yard with everyone watching, you eat whatever you want, whenever, drive all the time when you want and can go in all the stores. It's not fair! So tonight was my night to shine. I ran on and on.

I came to the car wash and I thought that if I ever wanted to get lucky with a babe I'd better go on inside for a quick wash and blow dry. I have seen what wonders they do for the ugly trucks my parents drive. Only one problem, I needed a mode of transport and I don't see any way of hitching a ride without speaking the language of these beasts. Sigh.... How about if I just walk right through? Oh shoot, too little too late.... Dad then came sauntering up. For an old 2-legger, he sure got around. I heard barking that distinctly sounded female in tone, so I ran fast and jumped as high as I could to clear this retaining wall. You should have seen me, the drop was 6 feet down to the ground. It was a sight to behold, I knew I had her at woof. I approached her and we looked at each other. She was big, white and....a male german shepherd who bared his teeth to smile at me.

Next thing I knew, Dad picked me up and was climbing the wall to bring me to safety. Mom was waiting in the truck. And the little black chihuahua next door was laughing at me when we got home and they carried me into the house.... sniff, sniff.