Sunday, December 18, 2005

Happy Howlidays

Hi everyone! It’s me, Scout. Mom doesn’t feel like doing the Xmas newsletter this year but Dad likes it when everyone gets one in the mail. And if Dad is happy when it done, then maybe Dad will feed me and Max at the table and take us on longer walks. Gee, maybe I’ll even get an unleashed run if I write this real good. Oh boy, what should I talk about? So much has happened. They dragged me to training class at the beginning of the year which was pointless if you get my drift. I already know sit, stay, shake paw and how to run through an agility tunnel. But the class marveled at my skills at the last class. I was the only dog to do a trick and get
applause when I got my certificate. What did I do, you ask? I walked on two legs for liver treat Dad was holding up. If only all those poor old pups knew what to do for food. I am real smart and sneaky at knowing where
it is, how to get it and make it disappear but shhhhhh…. That’s between you and me.

In March, I was taking Mom for one of her walks and here’s my first hand account to all the reporters. After Mom's fiasco at the Timmy Hort donut place in the previous days where she dinged the truck, I heard some people complaining about her driving, how she should never drive again. Yeah, Dad was chief among them and he should talk. Wanna go outside with me and I'll show you with my paw all the dings in his truck and trailer. I don't got time to worry about him right now, save for later. 'We gotta do something about the Mommy' everyone was whispering. So I thought long and hard about what I could do. So when Dad told me it was time for me to take Mom for a walk, I thought there might still be a way for me to be a superhero. Shazam!!! I started the walk out nice and normal so as to not get her suspicions up. I did my sniff, sniffs and mark, marks on the obnoxious people's bushes & trees and where stupid Poms & Yorkies dared to tread. When I looked back to see that we were out of sight from our house, coast was clear. Broke out into a trot. It's like Michigan Derby time. Run, run faster Mom! Oh goody, here comes a raised sidewalk panel, might be what she needs, Bingo! Mom
goes flying over my head….. Oh no, she was crying…. Her kneecap was exposed she ended up with 17 staples to close the skin. So I didn’t get walked for a while. I learned a good lesson from that.

Next, in May… I got a new brother. He was a very annoying, yappy dog the size of a rat. Mom went and got him to keep me company without asking me if I wanted any. Dad was working in Toronto and didn’t know about it.
When she brought him home, I didn’t know what to do with him. He was bugging me so I growled and snapped at him for a few days. Mom went back to work, I felt sorry for the beast named Max who was now afraid to
come up to me. I got used to him and it wasn’t so bad having a rat-dog around. Mom, on the other hand, had a problem with how to break the news to Dad. When he came home and heard Max from outside, he said “oh nooooo”. I tried to break out the popcorn for a good fight but my paws don't reach high enough to the microwave. And the next day, Dad was hugging Max and telling him how cute he was and he just said “no more dogs!” I think Dad lost his spine.

August 1 came and we went up to Grandpa’s house for a week. Got taken for lots of walks in the woods and
on a golf course no less! All those men hitting their sticks at balls just waved at me so I figured I must be a
celebrity. It was a real great time. I even enjoyed going out in the boat and putting my paws up at the back of the boat to bite at the water. Mom was too busy to worry that I might fall out. She had Max whimpering and crying on her lap like a baby. He didn’t like the boat. My other Grandma and Grandpa came up to stay with us for a few days and they all went to some rodeo of trucks and left us behind in the house. I guess it was in Quebec and me and Max don’t speak any french at all so we couldn’t go.

But wait, that’s not the best part yet. Mom took me alone on trip to California! Can you believe it? I got to ride on the plane at mom’s feet because she told everyone I was her helper dog. (how do I help her by begging,
running away, and be an all around nuisance?) I think she slipped me some pills disguised in peanut butter so I wouldn’t say anything to the people on the plane about what a lack of help I am. When we got to Arizona I met 2 dogs named Deaus and Sophie and their momma, Jodi. We all rode in the car together a long way to California to go sleep on the ground outside. The only thing we had for privacy were these pieces of cloth they called tents. Of course I wondered why Mom would take me all this way until I saw all the other dogs that looked like
me. What a blast! And wait there’s more, People pet me and took pictures of me. I got to go down to the lake and bite the wave bubbles. I fell in love with the little dogs that dig holes in the ground and pop up and down. They come from the prairie and I couldn’t take them home with me. I got to go on long walks with mom and also
see a real honest to god dogfight! I was crowned biggest shiba ever and the other dogs couldn’t believe how I let everyone pet me. They don’t know being handsome, big and smart (editor's note: read suck-up) are good virtues towards getting more food in your tummy. Still my secret.

And then when October came around, Mom and Dad left us alone for an entire week! They tricked us. They left after putting all their clothes in some bags and putting them in the car. Me ‘n’ Max laid down to sleep while we thought they were out slaving for our greenies. We woke up at night and went to stand at the garage door but they never came home. The nerve! Instead, our cousin named Lynn came and she brought some clothes of hers. We knocked her down running to see if Mom and Dad were behind her. In all fairness, she was rather nice and tried to get us to sleep with her at bedtime. We got to go outside to pee, got our food and wait, it gets better… walks 2x a day!! Mom sometimes doesn’t want to walk us so we are lucky if we get walks everyday. She tells Dad she is just avoiding being dragged down the sidewalk and hurting her other knee. This Lynn gal brought these sticks with her and would bang them together. She called it fiber art. What is that? Why would you do that if you
could be licking yourself instead? I know I’m a crabby dog sometimes. You try holding your pee all day and then submitting as a furry mannequin at night. I do not do soap operas, knitting or modeling --- I hunt wild prey, my true calling… Not having doggy sweaters put on me. Max, he was a total wuss. He loved it all so much that I’m thinking about entering him in a contest called “The Dog”. I think he’ll be in his glory with all that fairy dust after they put the crown on his itty bitty ears. I told him just bring back all the food that you win and if you please, our Mom and Dad.

And they did come back. They told us they went to Paris where all the dogs get to go on walks without leashes and go inside stores. People in Paris really love their dogs! Speaking of contests like I just mentioned, did I forget to tell you that not only did I get my obedience certificate, I also got famous on the internet. I was a Punk Pet for chewing all the fingers off Mom’s glove except for that certain one. I left it in front of the door for her to
see when she came home after being gone all day. I also won’s Diary of the Day not once, but
twice! All the accolades still don’t get me all the food I want but I am a happy shiba living with Max (tibetan
spaniel) and my Mom and Dad. We hope you had a good year too and get lots of treats under your tree. Does Santa have a dog that I can write my wish list too??

Merry Christmas from our house to yours, Scout, Max and our owners, Claude & Kristine

No comments: