How to keep Mom at home...

March 8th 2005 5:25 am

After Mom's fiasco at that Timmy Horton's place a couple days ago, I heard some people complaining about her driving, how she should never drive again. Yeah, Dad was chief among them and he should talk. Wanna go outside with me and I'll show you with my paw all the dings in his truck and trailer. I don't got time to worry about him right now, save for later. 'We gotta do something about the Mommy' everyone was whispering. So I thought long and hard about what I could do.

I thought I could pull out more stuffing from my animals and put them on our bed so she could hopefully choke on them while sleeping. Nooooo, it didn't work. She threw them away. And then I wondered if maybe we could get her to take a bubble bath (my favorite, to lick the bubbles…yummm), perhaps she might fall? Nope, she's not going for it. Daddy got to the tub first and he left it alllll dirty from work. She didn't want to clean it and I'm just a dog. I can't get the Fantastik sprayer to work with my little feet. Somehow I didn't think food poisoning from Purina chow would work either because she just flushed the funny looking kibble bits down the toilet.

So when Dad told me it was time for me to take Mom for a walk, I thought there might still be a way for me to be a superhero. Shazam!!! I started the walk out nice and normal so as to not get her suspicions up. I did my sniff, sniffs and mark, marks on the obnoxious people's bushes & trees and where stupid Poms & Yorkies dared to tread. When I looked back to see that we were out of sight from our house, coast was clear. Broke out into a trot. It's like Michigan Derby time. Run, run faster Mom! You need it anyways cuz you are awful fat from what Dad says. Oh goody, here comes a raised sidewalk panel, might be what she needs, Bingo! Mom goes flying over my head….. Oh no, she's crying…. Mom, are you okay?? Looks like her pants ripped too. Noooo, you are not cutting our walk too? Darn it, I didn't want that to happen…. We were just supposed to keep you from driving for awhile and from the looks of that bloody drivers' leg, Score!!! Mom, mom ?? where are you limping, that's not our house……